Post by Bertie Moreland on Aug 26, 2010 21:21:30 GMT -5
You know…one has to wonder who it was that thought of the first Disney sequel.
No, that one was actually good. I'm talking about the other ones, like Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas, The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2 and all those other horrible ones. Whoever it was, they couldn't have honestly thought that what they were making was going to be any good, could they? *beat* Okay, they probably could have.
And it isn't as though all of them are horrible. Some actually had a story that could have gone somewhere if the writers hadn't screwed it up so bad. Look at the Little Mermaid sequel and prequel. Those actually had potential, they just didn't go anywhere worthwhile. The same could be said of Aladdin and the King of Thieves or even of the film that I am reviewing today.
Cinderella III: A Twist in Time. And yes, I know how redundant it is for me to say the title after showing it to you. This isn't the most horrible film known to man. No, I leave that honor to films like *shudder* Hunchback of Notre Dame 2. Compared to that, Cinderella III is actually a masterpiece. The plot was actually a very interesting idea. It's more the characters that make this film less-than-average.
Oh, Cinderella herself is just fine, and the prince even gets to become a badass. It's the other characters; the Grand Duke, the Stepmother, Drisella and Anastasia, the King, and the animals. And even then, it isn't entirely their fault. The music does help drive this into mediocre territory as well. Then there is the whole issue of, you know, this just being bad by association as a Disney sequel.
Well, I will never know what possessed me to first watch this movie, but because I was expecting so little when I first watched it, I found the film exceeding my expectations. Not by a lot, mind you, it still was fairly mediocre, but enough to leave me pleasantly surprised.
Naturally, there aren't any of the original voice actors in this film. In fact, many of the actors did more than one character. What did surprise me, though, was that the Prince's voice actor was the same person who did, not only Prince Eric, but also Spiderman from Spiderman: The Animated Series! *beat*
I think I may actually like this guy. Any guy who can go from posh to Spiderman has my vote. Anyway! So the film opens and we see Cinderella and her prince.
…Is it just me, or does Cindy look like she's planning something inappropriate for a children's film? *blinks* So they really are happily married. I wonder if the honeymoon's over yet. *beat* I apologize, that was low. I won't do that again. *cough* So! As we are introduced to these newlyweds *cough* we hear this lovely musical number.
Again, it isn't horrible, but it isn't wonderful either. It does tell us a lot, though. It's been a year since the marriage of Cinderella and her prince, and Anastasia is supposed to be a sympathetic character in this. *beat* What? Is this the same Anastasia who was part of this:
…Character derailment much, Disney? The original Anastasia was a horrible, spoiled, evil stepsister who would rather tear up her step sister's dress than let her be seen in public. Granted, the idea that Anastasia is jealous of Cindy makes some sense. I mean, Cinderella is beautiful and got the prince while Anastasia…
Well…the less said about that the better. Anyway, so Anastasia is our sympathetic villain in this. She discovers that Cinderella had some magical help in getting the prince, and steals the Fairy Godmother's wand.
Really? That's the establishing moment of our supposedly "sympathetic" antagonist?
…
I'm not touching on that subject right now, I'm really not. I just want to get to the kickass prince. So Anastasia runs home with the wand to be interrogated by both mother and sister. Here we see that, as in the film, Drisella and Lady Tremaine are still jerkasses at heart. I never thought I would be so grateful for a villain to remain the same. Again, it makes sense that Anastasia would be jealous of her step sister, but it goes against her character as established in the first film.
Oh, and did I mention that at one point in the song earlier, Charming and Cindy both sing "What could ever come between us?" *beat* Yeah, this is going to suck for them.
So Anastasia tries to prove that she isn't insane by using the wand. Thankfully, Fairy Godmother appears before this can happen, but hilarity ensues and Anastasia turns Fairy Godmother into a statue. *beat* Ouch. And for those who are interested, Drisella and Fairy Godmother have the same voice actress. Make of that what you will.
Also, Anastasia, in her struggle for the wand, turns Lucifer the cat into this:
Please note that it is never made clear how dear old "Rucify" gets back to normal. *sarcastic* Lovely job, Anastasia. You stole a wand, transformed your cat into a hybrid duck/cat thing, and turned the Fairy Godmother into a statue. And this is supposed to be the sympathetic sister. Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen.
Anyway, so Lady Tremaine is all gung ho about the idea of using magic to, you guessed it, take over the world.
Wait, no, sorry. That isn't her plan. Her plan is to get back at Cinderella. *beat* Seems a little anticlimactic now, doesn't it? Apparently Drisella and Anastasia didn't inherit their mother's brains, because the first thing that comes to their mind when told that they have a magic wand? No more laundry. Now, granted, that would probably be my first thought too, but it's an unnecessarily stupid line. Same with Lady Tremaine's whole "I call upon all the forces of the universe! Bibbety bobbity boo!"
*holds out plate with ham and cheese* Care for some ham, my lady? You certainly have a knack for it.
So now that she has…
Thank you genie. *cough* Now she has the wand, what does Lady Tremaine do? She goes back in time to prevent the marriage of Cindy and the prince. Harsh. I mean, honestly. That's just…not cool. So they find themselves at the moment before the Grand Duke arrived in the original film and they are the only ones who have any memory of the alternate future they came from. As usual for time travelers. Marty McFly, The Doctor, and now Lady Tremaine and her daughters. Wow. Never thought I'd live to see those names all listed together.
The Grand Duke arrives and…let's just say I wish they hadn't given him any speaking lines. Now, the Grand Duke was meant to serve the role of comic relief in the first film, I know, but…this movie takes that role up to eleven and beyond. He isn't even funny. In the original film, he was one of the funniest parts of the scenes with the king, but now…now he's just a bumbling idiot that you want to strangle.
With a little magic and a lot less tugging than the first time, the slipper fits Anastasia's foot. *beat* Why Anastasia, out of curiosity? Lady Tremaine never exactly talks to her daughter about Anastasia's crush on the prince, so it doesn't make sense that she would choose the obviously more…*sarcastic* sensitive of her daughters for this task. Maybe they decided that they would go alphabetically.
Anyway, there's an unnecessary moment where Anastasia does a few acrobatic flips and squeals that the shoe fits her.
Thank you, Nostalgia Critic and Nostalgia Chick. We will never speak of this again.
Well, Cindy comes down just in time to see that Anastasia fit into the slipper--I know, I'm still marveling that even magic could get that to work--and confusedly asks Lady Tremaine what is going on. She even produces her other glass slipper to prove to her Stepmother that it couldn't have been Anastasia that danced with the prince. Bad move, Cindy, as Lady Tremaine calmly and coldly knocks the slipper out of Cinderella's hand and onto the floor, where it promptly smashes into a million pieces. Tremaine forbids Cinderella from going to the palace and speaking to the prince before leaving with a smug, "Oh, and…clean up that broken glass."
That woman is a bitch. But at least she's being true to character. God, I'm glad they didn't screw with her character.
Naturally, Cindy sings about how confused she is--at this point, Cindy, we all are--in the following manner.
Again, not up to snuff when you compare it to songs like "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes" and "So This is Love," but not horrible. *shudders* These songs are far above the ones from Belle's Magical World, so we won't do much complaining where these songs are concerned.
Convinced by her mouse friends that she can disobey her Stepmother without anything bad happening--who wants to bet how well that works for her?--Cindy goes out to the palace. One problem: there are guards at the front gate. Oh well, they tried…wait, there's a servant's entrance. Wow. That's fitting.
So by smiling her way past the gentlemen at the servants' entrance, Cindy gets into the kitchen, where she meets this lady:
If you're saying to yourself "Who the hell is she?" don't ask too loud, because that will mean that I have to review Cinderella II. Anyway, this lady says that she's never seen Cinderella working at the palace before--screeeeeeewed--but Cindy quickly says that she is the Royal Mouse Catcher. Naturally, our snobby boss lady is skeptical until she sees Gus and Jacques, taking a silent hint from Cindy, wreaking havoc on the kitchen. Hilarity Ensues and armed with a net, Cindy goes prince hunting.
Moving on. We finally meet Prince Charming! *cheers and applaudes wildly* And how do we find our wonderful prince? Dueling with his dad--don't worry, it's only for practice purposes--and debating his method for choosing a bride. It appears that the King has gone from being all gung ho about his son marrying the girl who fits the slipper to being the voice of the audience by saying how stupid it is to marry a girl just because she "wears a size four and a half." The Duel continues with many puns and much badassery on the part of the Prince. We also learn something about the old queen and how the King fell in love with her as soon as he touched her hand.
I wonder if that idea will be important later.
The King seems to have been converted to the Prince's way of thinking and Charming hears trumpets announcing that his future bride has been heard. By now the mice have found the prince and follow him to the hall where he meets up with Anastasia and gang. Of course, he knows that Anastasia =/= Cindy and tries politely to tell Anastasia that she isn't the one that he wanted. Points to Princey for at least trying to be nice about this.
Well, Lady Tremaine is not about to take no for an answer and magically brainwashes the Prince into thinking that he's in love with Anastasia instead of Cinderella. *beat* That's mature. With a look very similar to when Eric was put under Vaness--I mean, Ursula's spell in The Little Mermaid--which is fitting since the guy who voices Charming also voiced Eric--the prince turns and goes down on one knee, proposing to Anastasia on the spot. We get another random scene of bumbling and crazy antics from Anastasia that will never be mentioned again.
I'll never get tired of that joke. So after that little…thing, the mice rush off to warn Cindy that the prince isn't in his right mind while Anastasia and Co. go to plan the wedding for that night.
…
Is it just me, or does no one in fairy tales want to get to know their spouse before they marry them? Anyway, moving right along.
Cindy finds the prince before the mice can find her and when he mentions that he's going to marry Anastasia, she is understandably crushed. I mean…dude talk about a burn. Your ugly stepsister just stole the man of your dreams away from you? That is not fun. So she goes down to the cellar to do her "Royal Mouse Catcher" duties and has a little breakdown before the mice find her. The mice explain it all to her and Cinderella comes up with the brilliant idea that they need to get the wand away from her stepmother and stepsisters.
Meanwhile, Lady Tremaine and the Grand Duke are going over wedding plans while…Anastasia and Drisella attack the food like ravenous wolves and break into a food fight that is never spoken of again.
What is it with this film? Honestly? Two of these moments in less than three minutes? Someone have a talk with these writers.
Just outside, the Prince is telling his dad that Anastasia has breeding, refinement, and all that the King could want in a daughter in law. Cue them coming in just as the freakin' huge wedding cake lands on top of Anastasia. *beat* Awwwwwwwwkwaaaaard.
Well, things are smoothed over--somehow--and the Prince asks to dance with Anastasia. This is going to be fun. Well they try it, and Anastasia keeps stepping on his foot. If that isn't a huge hint that she isn't the girl he danced with at the ball, then the fact that he feels nothing when he touches her hand is.
See? I told you that would come back to haunt us.
Well everyone except the king is freaking out about the fact that Anastasia dances like an elephant in high heels and the prince goes off to make his own plans for the wedding. Why he still wants to marry this girl is far beyond me. He does get points for being a gentleman to Anastasia no matter what, which does start to justify Anastasia's little crush on him. Well, he goes off and the king demands to talk to Anastasia alone. She's screwed.
Anastasia follows the king expecting the worst and the prince starts to notice that something is wrong. Why? Why? Because he felt nothing when he touched her hand. Running gag much?
So Anastasia and the King have a bonding moment when he mentions that his wife was a horrible dancer, too. *beat* What? Okay, I'm glad that we're learning something about the Prince's mom, but what. Queens and princesses are supposed to be graceful. They are trained practically from INFANCY to keep themselves from falling ass over tip in those ridiculous dresses and shoes. *grits teeth* Forget it. Bonding moment going on. So the king gives Anastasia his wife's most cherished possession. What is it? Is it jewels? Gold? A beautiful tiara.
It's…a seashell? Wait, there's a back story. Of course. *eyeroll* Well, it turns out that the seashell was found by the king and queen together on their first stroll together back when they were still courting. *beat* Okay, I'd have to have a heart of stone to not think that it's sweet of him to keep something like that even after his wife is dead. Why he gives it to Anastasia is beyond me, as he really has no way of knowing if the girl is trustworthy or not.
So Anastasia goes off and we get her singing. *sarcastic* Fuuuun.
I know this is meant to make Anastasia more of a sympathetic character, but let's not forget that this is still the girl responsible for turning the Fairy Godmother to FREAKING STONE! I'm sorry, it's going to take a lot more than her getting a seashell and singing about love for me to forgive her.
Meanwhile, Cindy and the mice are spying on the evil steps to find the perfect moment to steal the wand and see Drisella playing around with it, making herself jewels and fancy gowns. They also see Lady Tremaine locking up the wand and pocketing the key. Brilliant. The mice can pull of that supermouse stunt from the first film now. So the mice go in, but hilarity ensues when Lucifer's tail catches fire--long story--and Cindy is forced to come in herself.
Of course, while the hilarity is ensuing, Anastasia is trying to convince the others that what they're doing is wrong. More character development that I don't buy.
Well, Cindy gets into the room dressed as a maid and cleans up some of the aftermath of Lucifer's fire moment. They get the wand, Cinderella's disguise is exposed, and they run like hell. There's some magical hijinks that occur and the bluebirds go off to try and find the prince. They bring him into the main hall just in time to see Cindy trying to lift the spell on him with the wand as she is captured by the royal guards.
She tries to convince the prince that he's under a spell, but it isn't until she touches his hand--running gag!--but it's seemingly too late, because the guards have started dragging her off. Lady Tremaine assures the prince that Cinderella will be taken care of, but once he's gone, she orders Cindy banished forever. Okay, since when does she have the authority to do that in the King's palace? Oh, forget it.
Princey goes off to ponder and we see his dad getting a fitting for a new dress uniform--which looks suspiciously like the old one--when the birds start dragging him around again, into an old storage room where he is faced with singing mice.
This one has to be the worst of the songs, but it's better than some that I've heard, so I won't dwell on it. Wait…I always wondered why the mice wore shoes…they don't need them…oh, forget it. This will go faster if I don't question fashion.
So the Prince goes off to be badass and save Cinderella after telling his father that "The talking mice say [Anastasia's] the wrong girl!" I don't blame the King for questioning his son's sanity before letting his son go. Why he lets his son, who was just talking about talking mice, run off after a servant girl is beyond me, but we're getting close to the end by now.
Cindy's at the docks and gets a little sad reprise of her earlier song.
And Princey comes to save the day, riding his noble steed!
So they are reunited, the prince remembers, and they go back to the palace. Tremaine flips out and magically transports herself and her daughters out of the palace while the wedding plans continue, just with a less annoying bride. As Cindy is putting on her veil, she is visited by--gasp!--her stepmother who brings along--gasp!--Anastasia magically transformed to look like Cinderella--gasp!--and she sends Cinderella away into a pumpkin carriage with Lucifer transformed into the coachman from hell--gasp!
Well, naturally, Cindy has to get out of this, so she gets her own moment in the badass limelight and gets rid of Lucifer--without killing, this is a G-rated film, after all--and with the awesome one-liner of "Well, I'm not going to miss my own wedding," rides off for the palace.
Meanwhile, the wedding is in full swing. Anastasia had a moment with the king--how he can't recognize Anastasia's voice is beyond me--where she asks about knowing if someone is your true love by touching their hand--running gag!--and then gets a guilty moment when the prince calls her his "one and only Cinderella." Geez. Give this girl a break. I don't even like her and I'm feeling sorry for her!
Well as the "I dos" are about to be exchanged, Cindy shows up at the door and Anastasia takes the prince's hand, proving that--gasp!--she isn't his true love. The minister passes out--I would too by this point--and Tremaine and Cinderella have a match of wits while Tremaine starts turning soldiers into barnyard animals. Poor guys. Well Tremaine gets ready to turn Cinderella and Anastasia into toads and send them off God knows where when Princey--whoo-hoo!--steps in and reflects the magic back at Tremaine and Drisella.
So they're gone and Anastasia starts fixing what her mom screwed up, turning herself back into herself and the soldiers--most of them--into humans. She even brings back the Fairy Godmother. *beat* Okay, she redeemed herself a little. Just a little. Well, Godmother fixes Cinderella's now torn and nasty wedding gown into an awesome new one and offers to return them to the old reality, but Cindy and the prince seem happy where they are.
God! We're done! Oh…wait, one more little bit.
So…was this the worst film to ever be viewed by me? No. To be honest, the premise was actually rather interesting. Granted, time travel is really overused in fiction these days--especially fanfiction--but they handled it…not brilliantly, but not horribly either. I would much rather watch the original Cinderella personally, but if I was asked to pick which of the Disney sequels I would rather watch, I would say Rescuers Down Under and this, because they are the two best. Of course, this isn't at the same level as Down Under, but that's okay!
I'm Miss Roberta signing off. Peace!
No, that one was actually good. I'm talking about the other ones, like Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas, The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2 and all those other horrible ones. Whoever it was, they couldn't have honestly thought that what they were making was going to be any good, could they? *beat* Okay, they probably could have.
And it isn't as though all of them are horrible. Some actually had a story that could have gone somewhere if the writers hadn't screwed it up so bad. Look at the Little Mermaid sequel and prequel. Those actually had potential, they just didn't go anywhere worthwhile. The same could be said of Aladdin and the King of Thieves or even of the film that I am reviewing today.
Cinderella III: A Twist in Time. And yes, I know how redundant it is for me to say the title after showing it to you. This isn't the most horrible film known to man. No, I leave that honor to films like *shudder* Hunchback of Notre Dame 2. Compared to that, Cinderella III is actually a masterpiece. The plot was actually a very interesting idea. It's more the characters that make this film less-than-average.
Oh, Cinderella herself is just fine, and the prince even gets to become a badass. It's the other characters; the Grand Duke, the Stepmother, Drisella and Anastasia, the King, and the animals. And even then, it isn't entirely their fault. The music does help drive this into mediocre territory as well. Then there is the whole issue of, you know, this just being bad by association as a Disney sequel.
Well, I will never know what possessed me to first watch this movie, but because I was expecting so little when I first watched it, I found the film exceeding my expectations. Not by a lot, mind you, it still was fairly mediocre, but enough to leave me pleasantly surprised.
Naturally, there aren't any of the original voice actors in this film. In fact, many of the actors did more than one character. What did surprise me, though, was that the Prince's voice actor was the same person who did, not only Prince Eric, but also Spiderman from Spiderman: The Animated Series! *beat*
I think I may actually like this guy. Any guy who can go from posh to Spiderman has my vote. Anyway! So the film opens and we see Cinderella and her prince.
…Is it just me, or does Cindy look like she's planning something inappropriate for a children's film? *blinks* So they really are happily married. I wonder if the honeymoon's over yet. *beat* I apologize, that was low. I won't do that again. *cough* So! As we are introduced to these newlyweds *cough* we hear this lovely musical number.
Again, it isn't horrible, but it isn't wonderful either. It does tell us a lot, though. It's been a year since the marriage of Cinderella and her prince, and Anastasia is supposed to be a sympathetic character in this. *beat* What? Is this the same Anastasia who was part of this:
…Character derailment much, Disney? The original Anastasia was a horrible, spoiled, evil stepsister who would rather tear up her step sister's dress than let her be seen in public. Granted, the idea that Anastasia is jealous of Cindy makes some sense. I mean, Cinderella is beautiful and got the prince while Anastasia…
Well…the less said about that the better. Anyway, so Anastasia is our sympathetic villain in this. She discovers that Cinderella had some magical help in getting the prince, and steals the Fairy Godmother's wand.
Really? That's the establishing moment of our supposedly "sympathetic" antagonist?
…
I'm not touching on that subject right now, I'm really not. I just want to get to the kickass prince. So Anastasia runs home with the wand to be interrogated by both mother and sister. Here we see that, as in the film, Drisella and Lady Tremaine are still jerkasses at heart. I never thought I would be so grateful for a villain to remain the same. Again, it makes sense that Anastasia would be jealous of her step sister, but it goes against her character as established in the first film.
Oh, and did I mention that at one point in the song earlier, Charming and Cindy both sing "What could ever come between us?" *beat* Yeah, this is going to suck for them.
So Anastasia tries to prove that she isn't insane by using the wand. Thankfully, Fairy Godmother appears before this can happen, but hilarity ensues and Anastasia turns Fairy Godmother into a statue. *beat* Ouch. And for those who are interested, Drisella and Fairy Godmother have the same voice actress. Make of that what you will.
Also, Anastasia, in her struggle for the wand, turns Lucifer the cat into this:
Please note that it is never made clear how dear old "Rucify" gets back to normal. *sarcastic* Lovely job, Anastasia. You stole a wand, transformed your cat into a hybrid duck/cat thing, and turned the Fairy Godmother into a statue. And this is supposed to be the sympathetic sister. Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen.
Anyway, so Lady Tremaine is all gung ho about the idea of using magic to, you guessed it, take over the world.
Wait, no, sorry. That isn't her plan. Her plan is to get back at Cinderella. *beat* Seems a little anticlimactic now, doesn't it? Apparently Drisella and Anastasia didn't inherit their mother's brains, because the first thing that comes to their mind when told that they have a magic wand? No more laundry. Now, granted, that would probably be my first thought too, but it's an unnecessarily stupid line. Same with Lady Tremaine's whole "I call upon all the forces of the universe! Bibbety bobbity boo!"
*holds out plate with ham and cheese* Care for some ham, my lady? You certainly have a knack for it.
So now that she has…
Thank you genie. *cough* Now she has the wand, what does Lady Tremaine do? She goes back in time to prevent the marriage of Cindy and the prince. Harsh. I mean, honestly. That's just…not cool. So they find themselves at the moment before the Grand Duke arrived in the original film and they are the only ones who have any memory of the alternate future they came from. As usual for time travelers. Marty McFly, The Doctor, and now Lady Tremaine and her daughters. Wow. Never thought I'd live to see those names all listed together.
The Grand Duke arrives and…let's just say I wish they hadn't given him any speaking lines. Now, the Grand Duke was meant to serve the role of comic relief in the first film, I know, but…this movie takes that role up to eleven and beyond. He isn't even funny. In the original film, he was one of the funniest parts of the scenes with the king, but now…now he's just a bumbling idiot that you want to strangle.
With a little magic and a lot less tugging than the first time, the slipper fits Anastasia's foot. *beat* Why Anastasia, out of curiosity? Lady Tremaine never exactly talks to her daughter about Anastasia's crush on the prince, so it doesn't make sense that she would choose the obviously more…*sarcastic* sensitive of her daughters for this task. Maybe they decided that they would go alphabetically.
Anyway, there's an unnecessary moment where Anastasia does a few acrobatic flips and squeals that the shoe fits her.
Thank you, Nostalgia Critic and Nostalgia Chick. We will never speak of this again.
Well, Cindy comes down just in time to see that Anastasia fit into the slipper--I know, I'm still marveling that even magic could get that to work--and confusedly asks Lady Tremaine what is going on. She even produces her other glass slipper to prove to her Stepmother that it couldn't have been Anastasia that danced with the prince. Bad move, Cindy, as Lady Tremaine calmly and coldly knocks the slipper out of Cinderella's hand and onto the floor, where it promptly smashes into a million pieces. Tremaine forbids Cinderella from going to the palace and speaking to the prince before leaving with a smug, "Oh, and…clean up that broken glass."
That woman is a bitch. But at least she's being true to character. God, I'm glad they didn't screw with her character.
Naturally, Cindy sings about how confused she is--at this point, Cindy, we all are--in the following manner.
Again, not up to snuff when you compare it to songs like "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes" and "So This is Love," but not horrible. *shudders* These songs are far above the ones from Belle's Magical World, so we won't do much complaining where these songs are concerned.
Convinced by her mouse friends that she can disobey her Stepmother without anything bad happening--who wants to bet how well that works for her?--Cindy goes out to the palace. One problem: there are guards at the front gate. Oh well, they tried…wait, there's a servant's entrance. Wow. That's fitting.
So by smiling her way past the gentlemen at the servants' entrance, Cindy gets into the kitchen, where she meets this lady:
If you're saying to yourself "Who the hell is she?" don't ask too loud, because that will mean that I have to review Cinderella II. Anyway, this lady says that she's never seen Cinderella working at the palace before--screeeeeeewed--but Cindy quickly says that she is the Royal Mouse Catcher. Naturally, our snobby boss lady is skeptical until she sees Gus and Jacques, taking a silent hint from Cindy, wreaking havoc on the kitchen. Hilarity Ensues and armed with a net, Cindy goes prince hunting.
Moving on. We finally meet Prince Charming! *cheers and applaudes wildly* And how do we find our wonderful prince? Dueling with his dad--don't worry, it's only for practice purposes--and debating his method for choosing a bride. It appears that the King has gone from being all gung ho about his son marrying the girl who fits the slipper to being the voice of the audience by saying how stupid it is to marry a girl just because she "wears a size four and a half." The Duel continues with many puns and much badassery on the part of the Prince. We also learn something about the old queen and how the King fell in love with her as soon as he touched her hand.
I wonder if that idea will be important later.
The King seems to have been converted to the Prince's way of thinking and Charming hears trumpets announcing that his future bride has been heard. By now the mice have found the prince and follow him to the hall where he meets up with Anastasia and gang. Of course, he knows that Anastasia =/= Cindy and tries politely to tell Anastasia that she isn't the one that he wanted. Points to Princey for at least trying to be nice about this.
Well, Lady Tremaine is not about to take no for an answer and magically brainwashes the Prince into thinking that he's in love with Anastasia instead of Cinderella. *beat* That's mature. With a look very similar to when Eric was put under Vaness--I mean, Ursula's spell in The Little Mermaid--which is fitting since the guy who voices Charming also voiced Eric--the prince turns and goes down on one knee, proposing to Anastasia on the spot. We get another random scene of bumbling and crazy antics from Anastasia that will never be mentioned again.
I'll never get tired of that joke. So after that little…thing, the mice rush off to warn Cindy that the prince isn't in his right mind while Anastasia and Co. go to plan the wedding for that night.
…
Is it just me, or does no one in fairy tales want to get to know their spouse before they marry them? Anyway, moving right along.
Cindy finds the prince before the mice can find her and when he mentions that he's going to marry Anastasia, she is understandably crushed. I mean…dude talk about a burn. Your ugly stepsister just stole the man of your dreams away from you? That is not fun. So she goes down to the cellar to do her "Royal Mouse Catcher" duties and has a little breakdown before the mice find her. The mice explain it all to her and Cinderella comes up with the brilliant idea that they need to get the wand away from her stepmother and stepsisters.
Meanwhile, Lady Tremaine and the Grand Duke are going over wedding plans while…Anastasia and Drisella attack the food like ravenous wolves and break into a food fight that is never spoken of again.
What is it with this film? Honestly? Two of these moments in less than three minutes? Someone have a talk with these writers.
Just outside, the Prince is telling his dad that Anastasia has breeding, refinement, and all that the King could want in a daughter in law. Cue them coming in just as the freakin' huge wedding cake lands on top of Anastasia. *beat* Awwwwwwwwkwaaaaard.
Well, things are smoothed over--somehow--and the Prince asks to dance with Anastasia. This is going to be fun. Well they try it, and Anastasia keeps stepping on his foot. If that isn't a huge hint that she isn't the girl he danced with at the ball, then the fact that he feels nothing when he touches her hand is.
See? I told you that would come back to haunt us.
Well everyone except the king is freaking out about the fact that Anastasia dances like an elephant in high heels and the prince goes off to make his own plans for the wedding. Why he still wants to marry this girl is far beyond me. He does get points for being a gentleman to Anastasia no matter what, which does start to justify Anastasia's little crush on him. Well, he goes off and the king demands to talk to Anastasia alone. She's screwed.
Anastasia follows the king expecting the worst and the prince starts to notice that something is wrong. Why? Why? Because he felt nothing when he touched her hand. Running gag much?
So Anastasia and the King have a bonding moment when he mentions that his wife was a horrible dancer, too. *beat* What? Okay, I'm glad that we're learning something about the Prince's mom, but what. Queens and princesses are supposed to be graceful. They are trained practically from INFANCY to keep themselves from falling ass over tip in those ridiculous dresses and shoes. *grits teeth* Forget it. Bonding moment going on. So the king gives Anastasia his wife's most cherished possession. What is it? Is it jewels? Gold? A beautiful tiara.
It's…a seashell? Wait, there's a back story. Of course. *eyeroll* Well, it turns out that the seashell was found by the king and queen together on their first stroll together back when they were still courting. *beat* Okay, I'd have to have a heart of stone to not think that it's sweet of him to keep something like that even after his wife is dead. Why he gives it to Anastasia is beyond me, as he really has no way of knowing if the girl is trustworthy or not.
So Anastasia goes off and we get her singing. *sarcastic* Fuuuun.
I know this is meant to make Anastasia more of a sympathetic character, but let's not forget that this is still the girl responsible for turning the Fairy Godmother to FREAKING STONE! I'm sorry, it's going to take a lot more than her getting a seashell and singing about love for me to forgive her.
Meanwhile, Cindy and the mice are spying on the evil steps to find the perfect moment to steal the wand and see Drisella playing around with it, making herself jewels and fancy gowns. They also see Lady Tremaine locking up the wand and pocketing the key. Brilliant. The mice can pull of that supermouse stunt from the first film now. So the mice go in, but hilarity ensues when Lucifer's tail catches fire--long story--and Cindy is forced to come in herself.
Of course, while the hilarity is ensuing, Anastasia is trying to convince the others that what they're doing is wrong. More character development that I don't buy.
Well, Cindy gets into the room dressed as a maid and cleans up some of the aftermath of Lucifer's fire moment. They get the wand, Cinderella's disguise is exposed, and they run like hell. There's some magical hijinks that occur and the bluebirds go off to try and find the prince. They bring him into the main hall just in time to see Cindy trying to lift the spell on him with the wand as she is captured by the royal guards.
She tries to convince the prince that he's under a spell, but it isn't until she touches his hand--running gag!--but it's seemingly too late, because the guards have started dragging her off. Lady Tremaine assures the prince that Cinderella will be taken care of, but once he's gone, she orders Cindy banished forever. Okay, since when does she have the authority to do that in the King's palace? Oh, forget it.
Princey goes off to ponder and we see his dad getting a fitting for a new dress uniform--which looks suspiciously like the old one--when the birds start dragging him around again, into an old storage room where he is faced with singing mice.
This one has to be the worst of the songs, but it's better than some that I've heard, so I won't dwell on it. Wait…I always wondered why the mice wore shoes…they don't need them…oh, forget it. This will go faster if I don't question fashion.
So the Prince goes off to be badass and save Cinderella after telling his father that "The talking mice say [Anastasia's] the wrong girl!" I don't blame the King for questioning his son's sanity before letting his son go. Why he lets his son, who was just talking about talking mice, run off after a servant girl is beyond me, but we're getting close to the end by now.
Cindy's at the docks and gets a little sad reprise of her earlier song.
And Princey comes to save the day, riding his noble steed!
So they are reunited, the prince remembers, and they go back to the palace. Tremaine flips out and magically transports herself and her daughters out of the palace while the wedding plans continue, just with a less annoying bride. As Cindy is putting on her veil, she is visited by--gasp!--her stepmother who brings along--gasp!--Anastasia magically transformed to look like Cinderella--gasp!--and she sends Cinderella away into a pumpkin carriage with Lucifer transformed into the coachman from hell--gasp!
Well, naturally, Cindy has to get out of this, so she gets her own moment in the badass limelight and gets rid of Lucifer--without killing, this is a G-rated film, after all--and with the awesome one-liner of "Well, I'm not going to miss my own wedding," rides off for the palace.
Meanwhile, the wedding is in full swing. Anastasia had a moment with the king--how he can't recognize Anastasia's voice is beyond me--where she asks about knowing if someone is your true love by touching their hand--running gag!--and then gets a guilty moment when the prince calls her his "one and only Cinderella." Geez. Give this girl a break. I don't even like her and I'm feeling sorry for her!
Well as the "I dos" are about to be exchanged, Cindy shows up at the door and Anastasia takes the prince's hand, proving that--gasp!--she isn't his true love. The minister passes out--I would too by this point--and Tremaine and Cinderella have a match of wits while Tremaine starts turning soldiers into barnyard animals. Poor guys. Well Tremaine gets ready to turn Cinderella and Anastasia into toads and send them off God knows where when Princey--whoo-hoo!--steps in and reflects the magic back at Tremaine and Drisella.
So they're gone and Anastasia starts fixing what her mom screwed up, turning herself back into herself and the soldiers--most of them--into humans. She even brings back the Fairy Godmother. *beat* Okay, she redeemed herself a little. Just a little. Well, Godmother fixes Cinderella's now torn and nasty wedding gown into an awesome new one and offers to return them to the old reality, but Cindy and the prince seem happy where they are.
God! We're done! Oh…wait, one more little bit.
So…was this the worst film to ever be viewed by me? No. To be honest, the premise was actually rather interesting. Granted, time travel is really overused in fiction these days--especially fanfiction--but they handled it…not brilliantly, but not horribly either. I would much rather watch the original Cinderella personally, but if I was asked to pick which of the Disney sequels I would rather watch, I would say Rescuers Down Under and this, because they are the two best. Of course, this isn't at the same level as Down Under, but that's okay!
I'm Miss Roberta signing off. Peace!
