Post by Merlin on Apr 19, 2009 6:20:45 GMT -5
Note: Originally, I was scheduled to review "A Troll in Central Park." Unfortunately, I couldn't find the film in time. I promise that the next movie review will be "Troll," but for now we'll have to suffice with "The Princess and the Goblin!"
CLICK HERE FOR THE TRAILER!
CLICK HERE FOR THE TRAILER!
Apparently, George MacDonald wrote some awesome fairy tales. Arguably his most famous fairy tale is The Princess and the Goblin, which was reportedly one of J.R.R. Tolkien's favorite stories. Word also has it that old MacDonald's work inspired many other fantasy writers (E-I-E-I-O).
Well, please forgive me for sounding extremely ignorant and deprived of awesomeness, but... I have never heard of George MacDonald in my life. Maybe that's a bad thing, because in general I really do like fairy tales. Forget contemporary costume dramas; I'll take a dwarf, a princess and a dragon any day. Maybe I'll check out some of MacDonald's original works sometime in the future, but for now, let's focus on an animated adaptation of "The Princess and the Goblin!" A 1992 release, I should mention.
I first discovered this movie over ten years ago: it was a movie trailer in my VHS copy of "The Magic Voyage" (a different animated film that will be reviewed in two weeks). "The Princess and the Goblin" seemed decent enough for a child, but it was my older sister who eventually obtained a copy of the film. She, my little brother and I watched it, and I guess we thought it was okay at the time.
But times do change!
The film opens with a lovely view of the kingdom, and the voice of the King ("MAH BOI") serves as the narrator. He says something about being unable to foresee a conflict, and then we cut to a fat nanny named Looti, as she searches for the missing princess. The titular princess is named Irene (pronounced I-ree-nee in this film) and she hides and waits until Looti falls asleep on the job. Then she leaves the lazy broad and goes exploring, but very soon she gets lost in a darker part of the forest, filled with scary animals, creepy trees and--
I'm sorry, I have a major feeling of déjà vu. Haven't we seen this before? Yeah... we have!
"We're onto your plot!"
This scene is very similar to "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs." If that's not enough, it ends with Irene covering her face on the ground and crying. Now, I've already mentioned that I've never read the original The Princess and the Goblin book, so I don't know whether or not if this scene was in the original text. Just to be safe, I won't say that anyone ripped off someone else. Let's think "homage!"
But fear not, Irene! You are rescued by... a song. Sweet! Let's clean out the wax from our ears and take a listen, shall we?
Please excuse the bad quality, but the cleaner video barely had any audio.
Eh, that song, "Spark Inside Us," wasn't terrible. It wasn't particularly grand--the lyrics, for example, seemed a bit forced and generic--but the melody is a bit hummable at parts, especially the beginning and also at the end. Overall, a fair song to begin a movie. So, are you wondering how many other musical numbers are there? I'll tell you: five. The only problem? "Spark Inside Us" is the only song in this whole movie. That's right; there are several musical numbers, and all of them use the same song. This is the "No More Heroes" of animated films, or even the "That Thing You Do!" of animated films--one song, played over and over ad nauseam. Oh, dear. One really starts to hate the song by the time the film concludes!
"Make it stop... MAKE IT STOP!"
Back to the story. Irene and her cat, Tulip, are rescued by a boy named Curdie. As you've seen just now, Curdie looks like a cross of Taran and Rambo.
Curdie leads Irene and her cat out of the scary forest. As a reward, Irene promises to kiss Curdie, but they are interrupted by Looti, who calls for Irene. The princess leaves the Gentle Rambo, and she returns to the castle, while Curdie returns to his home.
The next day, Irene talks Looti into taking a nap, and shortly after that Irene and Tulip discover a secret, magical door. This leads them to a secret tower in poor condition. It is at the top of this tower, at a spinning wheel, that Irene meets Maleficent! No, just kidding; she meets her great, great grandmother.
I don't know; it probably is Maleficent in disguise. There's only one way to find out! Get in a dark fireplace, granny!
Granny tells Irene a little bit about herself: she's kind of a ghost that likes to pop in and out for the rest of the film, and Irene develops something of a disturbing crush on her (more on that later). Meanwhile, Curdie and his father work in the mines, and Curdie is accidentally separated from the miners and eventually eavesdrops on two goblins. One of these goblins is named Mump, and he is voiced by the late Roy Kinnear. We all know Roy Kinnear best as Mr. Salt from "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" ("Veruca, sweetheart!").
Mump (left) thinks Wonka is a load of bull (but really it's horse).
Sadly, Roy Kinnear died as a result of an accident. Although he voiced the part of Mump, this film was released nearly five years after his death, technically making this his last film.
... That is sad. But, hey! George Carlin's last acting role was in "Happily N'ever After." Suddenly, Roy Kinnear's final role seems more dignified!
Mump and Glump inadvertently lead Curdie to a meeting of the goblins, held by the goblin rulers: the King (whose gimmick is sneezing and coughing out phlegm), the Queen (who wears stone shoes), and Prince Froglip. The Queen, as far as I'm concerned, is the most disturbing character in this film, and why I think so will become more evident as time goes on!
This is where the film starts to dabble in gross-out humor. I don't mean to be a prude, but it's still a tad unpleasing to watch a goblin prince pick his nose, roll his snot and boogers into a ball and fling it away [!]. Prince Froglip speaksth with a listhp, and he is voiced by Rik Mayall. Rik Mayall played the imaginary friend from Drop Dead Fred. Oh, God! Nevertheless, Mayall isn't too unbearable in this film. The character of Froglip himself is best summarized with his motivational line to his fellow goblins: "I want [the humans] to eat the dirt from under my fingernailsths!"
"Look, mommy! I'm classy!"
Curdie now knows that the goblins plan to flood the mines. Sounds simple enough, and Curdie narrowly escapes to warn his father.
That night, Irene is harassed by the goblins' animals and pets, but Irene escapes through the door into Granny's tower. There, Granny appears again and gives Irene a magic ring that allows Irene to see and feel a mystical thread. This thread points Irene into the direction where she needs to go. Granny also warns Irene that the princess will soon have to think of herself, instead of rely on great, great, great grandmothers that randomly appear and chuckle every other word.
Meanwhile, Curdie's father decides to wait until morning to infiltrate the mines and hopefully find out more about the goblins' plan. While the father sleeps, Curdie decides that he should go instead. Smart kid, huh? As Curdie finds his way to the goblin village underground, he encounters a goblin that literally beats his pet by kicking him. Under normal circumstances PETA would spew fire in rage, but these are goblins and their grotesque monsters. So, I guess that's okay.
Curdie again eavesdrops on the goblin monarchs, and this is where he learns about Froglip's plan to marry Irene and take control of the kingdom. Unfortunately, this time he's caught. It's a good thing that Curdie learns that a goblin's weak spot is his feet, but the Queen's stone-shoes guarantee that she defeats Curdie for now. Before Curdie is imprisoned in a cove, he tries to annoy the goblins by singing "Spark Inside Us" (that's two). That doesn't work, so Curdie is trapped completely. Curdie responds to this by... singing "Spark Inside Us" again (that's three)!
Plucky: "Say, Curdie, do you know anything else? Like, I dunno, 'Old MacDonald?'"
Old MacDonald had a farm! E-I-E-I-O!
On on this farm he had a GOBLIN! E-I-E-I-O!
With a *PICK NOSE* here and a *STOMPED FOOT* there!
That was random.
We now arrive at my favorite scene in the film, which also happens to be very bizarre and girly. This is where Irene's crush on Granny is evident; she has a dream where she ascends a cloudy staircase into space, and meets the large, disembodied head of Granny, whom she stares at with willingness. Yeah, she just loves her new Granny, I know. Still, the dream can be viewed as a tad disturbing. During this scene, a piano and synth instrumental version of "Spark Inside Us" plays, which I admit is pretty.
"Remember who you are, Irene. You are my great, great grandaughter, and the one true queen."
"Follow the thread. You will find your own magic when you follow the thread," Granny reminds Irene. The princess obliges and leaves the castle to follow her thread. Where does the thread take her? Underground, and up to some loosely stacked rocks. Irene finds this to be a dead end, and she cries. That is, until she realizes that she can remove the rocks!
... Irene is such a ditz.
Anyway, Irene removes the rocks, and she hears Curdie sing "Spark Inside Us" (that's four! I'm not counting instrumental renditions). Thanks to Irene's help, she manages to free Curdie... by the by, Curdie is such a masculine and admirable name, isn't it? His parents must really love him.
Anyway, Irene and Curdie (and the cat, I forgot to mention) escape the underground kingdom, and they return to the castle. Curdie doesn't believe that Irene has a magic thread, and so Irene wants to introduce Curdie to Granny. However, Granny isn't there, and Curdie leaves Irene on unhappy terms. Curdie wants to warn the King about the incoming goblin invasion, but he is rendered unconscious by two bumbling guards. So, Irene is the one who informs the King.
I love the King, because he is this movie's most idiotic character. The King is voiced by Joss Ackland, whom you may know best as Hans from the "Mighty Ducks" films. He may have been warm and admirable in those films, in in this movie his King character is so overwrought and hoakey. More on that later.
Wow! What an unspeakably ugly shot of Curdie!
The castle is attacked by goblins. Curdie is rejuvenated by Granny, and the final showdown begins. Curdie fights the Goblin Queen in a very disturbing fashion. The Queen likes to, I'm not kidding, get on top of Curdie [!] and wrestle him, even rolling with him down stairways. I'm not kidding; it's messed up. Curdie manages to defeat her (even shatter her shoes!), and the King, taking Curdie's suggestion about singing, orders his soldiers to sing while they fight the goblins. What do they sing? Take a guess. That's right! "Spark Inside Us," which apparently everyone in the world knows! That's five, by the by. What I especially love about the King's order is that as he commands his soldiers to sing, he waves his sword blindly in the air, without actually accomplishing anything. He's tiring himself out! Ha, what a dope.
The goblins are pushed back, but there's something wrong... where's Irene? And where's Froglip? Of course, Froglip at this point kidnapped Irene, and now there's a frantic search for her. This is where the film becomes hilarious: the King runs around the castle, knocking into wall after wall, breathlessly calling for Irene. The King is hands down my favorite character, just because of how goofy he is. I don't recall Hans from "The Mighty Ducks" being this bad of an actor...
The goblins decide to go ahead and flood the mines, but this proves to be bad; it goes up through the castle, and literally all of the goblins are wiped out, including Froglip after a standoff between Curdie and Irene. The only goblin that survives is a weird demon cat thing, which reacts to a mouse in sheer terror [?].
So, the goblins are dead, the kingdom is saved, and Irene keeps her promise and kisses Curdie... on the cheek. What a gyp! So, how does everyone celebrate this victory?
BY SINGING "SPARK INSIDE US," OF COURSE! THAT'S SIX!
Wow, this audio is particularly low!
The film concludes with praise to Granny. Sweet. Respect your elders! The end credits feature the cat in some cute situations.
Well, truth be told, this movie isn't the worst animated film ever made. Far from it. It's not a great film, I think, but I'm hesitant to call it horrible. The animation, sadly, is for the most part lackluster: the character designs by themselves aren't bad, but there is very little fluidity. The frame count per second is very low, which sometimes results in jerky, stiff animation. Also, Irene and Curdie sometimes have freaky eyes, eyes that tend to be glassy and emotionless. It's kind of creepy, actually. The backgrounds are the strongest visual aspect of the film, with the majority of them water colored.
The music--well, what can I say about the music? It's "Spark Inside Us." Although the film's score, I think, is serviceable and gets the job done. It's actually pretty in some areas, even if the "Spark Inside Us" melody is also overused in the score.
The acting is a mixed bag. While I think Irene and Curdie are strong for their characters (even if some of their groans in pain and fright seem a bit forced), the King is a hilariously bad joke. So melodramatic! Not surprisingly, the actors who sound like they have the most fun are the goblins. Froglip's voice is obnoxious yet undeniably giddy, and the Queen's voice (I don't know the name; some dead English woman) sounds like she had the time of her life voicing the character.
Despite the flaws, this film... I can't say I like it as a whole (I like certain aspects and scenes), but I also can't say that I regret watching this film. True, it's not as good as I remember it being as a child, but compared to, say, "Alice Through the Looking-Glass," this film is unquestionably the better choice. Some of the characters have development (not the King!), the story is actually coherent and existent, the villains do a little more than stand around and yell a la the Wizard of Wonderland and the Duke of Zill, and the songs--okay, there's only one song. Har, har.
It's obvious this film wasn't made in the United States. I think it was a joint production of Hungary, Japan, Wales and England, or something like that. So, if you're in the mood to watch an animated film that's a) made outside of the country, b) based on a fairy tale and c) has one damn' song played six times, then this film deserves a recommendation.
But, sadly this movie isn't gold. There is a really great animated film rattling around in here somewhere. An animated adventure, with a great relationship between the heroine and her ally, of terrifying goblins and a "we have to save the kingdom!" story. Unfortunately, the final result isn't a great film. But I guess a "watchable" film is better than nothing.
"There's a spark inside us that we can all ignite--" Damn it.
** out of ****
Thanks to Collin for the "Old MacDonald" joke!
Also thanks to YouTube users t3hOliv3flavor3dMint and Zarla Sheenaza for the videos!
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BONUS MP3S!
Spark Inside Us
Spark Inside Us (Instrumental)
Now you can hear this song more than six times!
