Post by Merlin on Apr 5, 2009 6:21:36 GMT -5
This movie is a landmark in animation, but not for “enchantment.”
Ooooooooohhhhhh…!
Felix the Cat! The wonderful, wonderful cat!
Whenever he gets in a fix, he reaches into his bag of tricks!
Felix the Cat! The wonderful, wonderful cat!
You’ll laugh so hard, your sides will ache, your heart will go pitter-pat, watching Felix the Wonderful Cat!
Felix the Cat! The wonderful, wonderful cat!
Whenever he gets in a fix, he reaches into his bag of tricks!
Felix the Cat! The wonderful, wonderful cat!
You’ll laugh so hard, your sides will ache, your heart will go pitter-pat, watching Felix the Wonderful Cat!
Ah, yes. Felix the Cat. Who among us isn’t at least a little familiar with this animated feline? Actually, I think Felix is more famous for being an ancient cartoon character more than he is famous for his personality. You just have to take one look at him—one look at his simple, black-and-white design—and you’ll know that Felix is older than some of our ages combined. Like Mickey Mouse, this character debuted way back. Unlike Mickey Mouse, the older Felix debuted in silent film format (yeah, I know; “Plane Crazy” was the first Mickey Mouse short produced, but not the first released).
As history indicates, the mischievous cat was eventually overshadowed by the Mouse, and Felix ultimately lost his once supreme-reigning popularity. However, he eventually regained popularity in the 50’s, and a new television series was created. It was in this show that we know Felix best today: less mischievous and more happy and helpful, with new characters such as the Professor, Poindexter, and Master Cylinder. It was also in this television series that Felix obtained the inexplicable Magic Bag, or Bag of Tricks, or Gaudy Yellow Bag with Black X’s and Dots on It, whatever you want to call that bag. As a man who used to watch this television series, I can safely say that the cartoon is actually fairly lame, but it still has corny appeal and is entertaining. Whether you love the Felix of old or the Felix of now, there’s no denying that this cat, though no longer the face of animation, has survived a long road.
In 1988, Felix the Cat’s first (and up until 2004, only) feature-length animated film was completed. Well, that sounds pretty cool! However, the movie wasn’t released until three years later, in 1991. Well, that sounds pretty bad! Maybe the film was to avoid competition with “The Little Mermaid?” I don’t blame them; that sexy mermaid would’ve tied the cat into his bag and drown him. Okay, maybe Ariel isn’t quite that evil, but from a business standpoint, the “Mermaid” rocked the box office. But this movie still has some slight ties with Disney. Why? Because this film used to be shown on the United States Disney Channel quite frequently for a period of time in the early nineties. I even recall seeing this film multiple times on that channel.
Tangent.
I actually don’t have solid evidence to claim that “Felix the Cat: The Movie” was ever released in cinemas, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it didn’t; this film is, to spoil the surprise, bizarre. There was an animated series released in the 90’s called “The Twisted Tales of Felix the Cat,” but even that intentionally surreal show was completely sane compared to this… movie.
Let’s just dive right in! Righty-o!
“Felix the Cat: The Movie,” a landmark in animated films with “The Movie” lazily slapped in the titles, begins with the disembodied head of the titular cat talking to us. The shocker? He’s in 3D.
You know, a lot of small cities and towns don’t have airports. AH-HA-HA-HA!
It’s hilarious, isn’t it? Back in the late 80’s, some movies really shoved the then-revolutionary 3D techniques and imagery in our faces. Upon retrospect, a lot of it is simply primitive! But enough about the cat’s CGI. The Poorly CGI Felix pretty much foreshadows the film to us: this is a tale that mostly takes place in an alternate dimension, in the land of Oriana.
Speaking of Oriana, that’s where we are transported next! We zoom into Oriana’s castle, though it looks more like an art college in the sky, where the Princess of the land is pretty much doing what, I guess, good princesses do. I imagine that this Princess would be sexy if she wasn’t so poorly animated (thankfully, we’re done with the poor CGI puppets; now we have poor 2D animation!). What is the Princess’s name? Why, it’s Oriana! How lazy. Oriana’s expensive goodwill is scolded by Grumfard, at least I think his name is Grumfard! My VHS copy of this movie is a little unclear in the audio department, so I don’t know if that’s truly his name, but we both know you and I don’t care and we’ll just go with it. Oriana and Grumfard’s meeting is interrupted by the castle’s psychic/fortune teller, Madam Pearl. Pearl has bad news: in her cards, she has foreseen the domination of the film’s villain, the Duke of Zill, who also happens to be Oriana’s uncle. The Duke is actually in the process of invading the castle. So, what is the card that convinced Pearl that the apocalypse is imminent? “A black duck on a green planet.”
Time out! Maybe it’s obvious by now, but this movie is a trip. Brace yourself. Time in!
So if Daffy Duck stood on a green, gaseous planet, would Satan conquer earth…?
Because Oriana disbanded Oriana’s army because of peacetime (smart move), Oriana is advised by Grumfard to, along with Pearl, escape the invading army and utilize Oriana’s dimension portal. Read my last sentence again, and you’ll see exactly why naming both the kingdom and the heroine is a really bad idea that leads to confusion. Oriana and Pearl dodge the Duke’s army (which consists of hovering robots) and cubes. What are cubes? They are as 80’s as you can get: floating lamps that shine bright, colorful light. Oriana and Pearl hide from one such cube. Oriana explains that cubes hear everything, and so they had to be extremely quiet. This is kind of silly, because they don’t shut up when the cube is present.
Look at the consistency of Princess Oriana’s design. Masterful!
Oriana and Pearl reach the dimension portal, but are stopped by the Duke of Zill’s army. Already this film’s lackluster animation is apparent: not only are the character designs inconsistent, but when the Duke of Zill, presumably in the same room, commanded his army to capture Oriana and Pearl, the Duke was standing in front of a completely different background from a completely different room [!]. The princess is captured, but she emits a single tear, which becomes a magical sentient being and actually transports itself to Felix the cat’s dimension.
Felix, proving that curiosity did something to the cat, follows the tear, akin to Alice following the White Rabbit. The tear likes to scream in the same high-pitched fashion as the scientist from the original “The Fly.” By that, I mean the tear likes to scream, “Help meeeeeeeeee!” The tear leads Felix, but he eventually disturbs a family of foxes, and hides under his bag. The Professor and Poindexter notice Felix’s antics from afar and decide to follow. Stalkers.
Now for a very pointless song! It’s less than half a minute long, and it focuses on the family of foxes, as they scratch dirt on Felix cowering under his bag. Of course, the youngest fox obviously wants to urinate on the bag, but he’s pulled away before he can. Man, isn’t that charming? Imagine a Mickey Mouse movie where a wild animal tries to pee on the mouse. Marvelously elegant!
The tear eventually does lead Felix to the dimensional portal, but along the way Felix makes one pun after another. Seriously; this cat frequently pun-ishes the audience. I’ve counted every single pun or corny gag he made in this film: I think I’m slightly off, but I counted over 40. I am dead serious. One of Felix’s best gags is what he says to a human skull: “You look like you could use a Big Mac! Ah-ha-ha-ha!” With hilarious jokes, crisp animation and top-notch voice acting, this film is already a masterpiece in animation!
Anyway, Felix is transported to Oriana, and the tear disintegrates. While trying to go through the brick wall the Duke of Zill’s army installed, Felix accidentally fills the portal room with water, and all kinds of fish come in, including seahorse-like creatures with breasts. Yeah.
At least now this movie is keeping my interest abreast. See? I can make stupid puns, too!
Felix narrowly escapes a giant manta ray, and he meets a hillbilly named Pim. Pim welcomes Felix into the Land of Zill, which honestly looks like the Swamp of Sadness from “The NeverEnding Story.” It is through Zill’s swamp that Felix notices strange animals, such as gooey, bubble-like creatures that float around and dwell in water. Zill is so ugly that Felix asks, “What is this? New Jersey?”
… Wow. Felix the Cat just dissed New Jersey, something fierce! What a jerk.
Pim is ultimately revealed to be an antagonist: he led Felix into a trap, and the cat is imprisoned in Zill’s circus. The circus is run by, in my opinion, the freakiest character in this movie, Whack. To make the green-skinned Whack even stranger, he has a sentient baton. I feel like I’ve slipped into an alternate dimension just watching this movie!
You think you find carnies frightening? Wait until you get a load of this guy!
Meanwhile, the Professor—by the way, the old coot is a professor what what? Is he a professor of mediocre friend/antagonist 101? Anyway, the Professor and Poindexter continue to infiltrate Felix, and eventually makes their way into Zill. They have a run-in with some sort of monster, but they shrink said monster down to size. Literally. But after the monster shrinks, he blows kiss bubbles after the duo [?], and after they crash on land surface the monster rings his tail, on which a bell is tied with string [?]. Poindexter and the Professor also make puns left and right. It’s bad enough when Felix the Cat is in an incessant punny mood; now we have to endure puns from more characters? Ay gevalt.
Back at the circus! Felix is brought to Whack to demonstrate his bag of tricks, while Pim repeatedly shimmies on a Zillian robot and goes, “Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh!” [
] Felix’s failed attempt to use his bag against Whack impresses the circus leader, and Felix is forced into a life of performing. Felix shares a prison cell with mizards. Mizards are evidently mice and lizards crossed. Witty! The nightly show begins, and Whack opens the night with a public service announcement from the ever so benevolent Duke of Zill:“So, my Zillians, have your fun as long as I let you have fun! But don’t forget who is the boss! Wah ha ha ha!”
Why do I get the feeling that the Duke of Zill is a villain of all bark and no bite? Whatever. We then dive into the Duke of Zill’s national anthem. All of the songs in this movie suck royally, but this is the best in the film. Again, it still sucks royally, but at least it tries to be catchy. It goes something like this:
WHO IS THE BOSS?
THE DUKE OF ZILL, OF COURSE!
WHO’S NEVER AT A LOSS?
THE DUKE OF ZILL, OF COURSE!
[/i][/center]THE DUKE OF ZILL, OF COURSE!
WHO’S NEVER AT A LOSS?
THE DUKE OF ZILL, OF COURSE!
Step aside, Frollo; your “Hellfire” song has been topped by the Duke of Zill’s menacing masterpiece!
After the song (if you can call it that), the mizards perform. They are labeled tap dancers, but I disagree; they are way too slow to be considered tap dancers. Also, during their performance the camera briefly cuts to Whack, who says something with completely different voice, in a completely difference language [
]. What the hell?! This movie is so sloppy and poor!After the mizards, Felix is up to perform. But without his magic bag, he can’t do anything flashy, so instead he performs painfully unfunny standup to the hideously grotesque audience. He starts his act by saying, “I’ve never done anything like this before.” Then we cut to two members of the audience; the first watcher whistles so hard it blows the hair and hat off of the second watcher, and the second watcher instantly turns around, honks, and punches the first watcher right in the face.
[pause] HAHAHAHAHA!! This is by large and far the absolute funniest joke in the movie, but I don’t think it’s funny in the way the creators intended! This joke is so funny because 1) it is so stupid, 2) it is so random, and 3) it is so violent. Felix just said, “I’ve never done anything like this before,” and then WHISTLE! HONK! PUNCH! What a surreal cutaway. Then again, it only fits this surreal movie all too well.
“FALCON PUNCH!”
Fortunately, Felix really starts his performance when he obtains his bag. Thank you; I couldn’t handle any more puns! So Felix tries to impress the audience with his magic bag, but, as always in this film, his bag malfunctions. I don’t recall Felix ever sucking out loud with his bag of tricks in the 50’s cartoons, but it doesn’t matter now; the audience still loves the cat.
After the performance, Felix and Whack reach a compromise: Felix will tell no more jokes, and Whack will allow Felix to watch the princess. Holy smoke, the first really logical dialogue exchange in this whole movie! Felix gets is wish, as he, along with us movie watchers, are treated with this film’s most bizarrely erotic scene: Princess Oriana has a bubble dance [!!!].
Unfortunately, this scene would’ve been much better if the princess was animated very well. Now, if Princess Aurora was in this situation, I would probably end up drooling. Hubba, hubba!
But, wait! We’re not the only ones watching Oriana’s sexy bubble dance. From Oriana’s castle, the Duke of Zill—Oriana’s uncle—is also watching this, and what’s more, he is vocally enjoying it! [!!!]
Grumfard: “I don’t understand why we have to watch this night after night! It’s always the same!
The Duke of Zill: “You’re wrong…! It gets better all the time!”
The Duke of Zill: “You’re wrong…! It gets better all the time!”
Oh, my God. Am I the only one who is severely creeped out by this? I don’t care how evil the Duke of Zill is; you simply cannot watch your niece dance in a bubble and get a kick out of it! That is disgusting and wrong! Ewww!
If you can believe it, this train wreck continues! Felix fails to get Oriana’s attention after the show, but he and Pim (who enjoys rides on the trapeze) have a conversation. Felix tries to talk Pim into participating in a breakout, but the conversation doesn’t go anywhere.
He floats through the air with the greatest of ease/The ugly, fat hick on the flying trapeze…!
Felix is forced back to his cell. He befriends the mizards, and said mizards help Felix sneak through other cells in order to reach the princess. How do the mizards help? They gnaw through walls, and they create holes big enough for Felix to slip through. Before you can ask, “Well, then why don’t the mizards just gnaw through every wall until they reach outside the circus?”, the movie explains that the outer walls are solid steel, and can’t be impregnated.
Forgive my stunned silence, but I am amazed this film actually thought this through.
Anyway, Felix makes his way to Oriana’s cell. He stares at her sleeping for an awkwardly long moment and says, “She’s beautiful.” Who knew Felix was a peeping Tom? Oriana wakes up and initially distrusts Felix, but the cat explains to the overthrown monarch that he followed the magical tear into Zill. Oriana realizes that Felix is the “black stranger,” and now she trusts him. Pim quietly eavesdrops as Oriana explains her history.
Oriana’s kingly father died (SURPRISE!), and her uncle disliked how things were run in Oriana—ugh, again with the princess vs. kingdom thing. Okay, the princess’s uncle disliked how things were run in Oriana, so he and Grumfard created the cylinder (the robots I mentioned), but the cylinder malfunctioned and exploded, disfiguring the princess’s uncle. He was banished to Zill (now under the guise of the Duke of Zill), and it was in Zill that he was accepted by the loony denizens as a god. Felix the Cat never had a deeper storyline! With his minions, the Duke of Zill created cylinders and cubes, and overthrew the kingdom at the beginning of the film. The Duke of Zill is after the hidden book of ultimate power, the book that supposedly contains the true power of the kingdom. Oriana (the princess) fears that all is lost, but Felix reassures the princess by talking about hot dogs [?]. This movie is so whacked, and I don’t mean the character!
Felix goes back to his cell, and he finds Pim waiting. They proceed to make out sensually and sleep together. Haha, just kidding—the film isn’t that weird. No, Pim decides to repent and assist Felix and the princess in the escape. They plan on busting out the following night, during the circus performance.
At the performance, the Professor and Poindexter, in disguises, become part of the audience. Let’s just hope they don’t get randomly punched in the face! Felix performs another mildly boring act with his magic bag that sends the audience in hysterics. After that, Felix requests to perform with the princess, and Whack agrees. So there’s yet another bubble dance performed by Oriana, and the Duke of Zill watches again and seethes in delight. WHO’S INCESTUOUS? THE DUKE OF ZILL, OF COURSE!
For once, Felix’s magic bag comes in handy; with it, Felix creates durable bubbles, and he, Pim, and Oriana escape the circus. The mizards also try to escape via a bubble, but they fail and they fall in a suitcase. Felix, Oriana and Pim make their way to the impasse, which has to be crossed in order to reach Oriana’s kingdom.
I think I should take a moment to mention the Duke of Zill. Apparently, the Duke rivals even the Wizard of Wonderland for being an inactive villain. The Duke’s henchmen literally do all the work for him. While that isn’t unheard of, it’s still laughable; the Duke is a pretentious, shouting nincompoop. He frequently makes big speeches like Maleficent, but unlike Maleficent he doesn’t physically attack the heroes at all. For crying out loud, he throws his back out “every time he gets mad,” and he has to be swung around (literally) in order to be rejuvenated. What a joke; I’ve seen antagonists in Cap’n Crunch commercials that were more intimidating than this guy. The Duke is a joke, and—wait, is he flipping me off?!
HEY, SAME TO YOU, PAL!
Yeah, I know. He’s not really flipping the bird; he is just using his index finger. But he is so poorly animated that it looks like his middle finger! And why is it that the Duke of Zill in the final film looks nothing like how he looked in the trailer? Compare the above picture of the Duke with the trailer at the beginning of this review, and you’ll see what I mean.
So, Felix, Pim and Oriana discover what can be best described as four-wheeled motor bikes. Great, now Felix is the leader of the pack.
Felix the biker! The sinful, sinful biker!
When’er he pedals on the gas, he breaks some laws and kicks some ass!
Felix the biker! The sinful, sinful biker!
Your head will smash, your bones will break, your heart will go splitter-splat!
Don’t mess with Felix, the biker cat!
When’er he pedals on the gas, he breaks some laws and kicks some ass!
Felix the biker! The sinful, sinful biker!
Your head will smash, your bones will break, your heart will go splitter-splat!
Don’t mess with Felix, the biker cat!
So, Felix and the Zill Warriors bike their way through the country. Felix realizes that he left his bag, which doesn’t make a lick of sense because the bag is always in Felix’s mind, but whatever. It is decided that it’s too late for Felix to go back and retrieve it, and they continue. They are soon joined by the Professor and Poindexter. Conveniently, the Professor brought along Felix’s bag.
Oriana: “Who are you two?”
Professor: “Oh, uhm... we've been Felix's primary antagonists for years. But, since this is an animated movie cliché and all we're not the primary diabolical focus and instead will assist Felix as temporary allies!”
Poindexter: “Precisely. Well put, Uncle.” *adjusts glasses*
Our heroes are forced to alter course when cylinders and cubes head their way. They try another route, but they are blocked by a large monster that appears and says without moving his mouth, “Stella! Stella! I could’a been somebody!” When the camera moves from him, he is never seen or referenced again!
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
Either this movie has reached the bottom of the insanity barrel, or I have completely lost my mind. I cannot help but be scared.
Seriously, what is up with this? I feel like I just slipped into a dimensional wormhole and ended up in Goofyville. There are three big things wrong with this scene. Let’s count them: 1) This monster appears out of nowhere, and says, “Stella! Stella! I could’a been somebody!” Not only this, but his mouth does not move at all when he says this; 2) He does not pursue our heroes at all—after his cameo, he vanishes entirely; 3) … just numbers 1 and 2! Did these movie’s writers overdose on cat nip and scribble this while having a seizure? The monster is evidently quoting two different sources: “Stella” comes from “A Streetcar Named Desire,” and, “I could’a been a contender” comes from “On the Waterfront.” At least, that’s what I think; who knows what this is about.
I’m sorry, I simply can’t continue with this review like this. This monster is so random, so bizarre, so… unnecessary that I can’t continue without feeling satisfied. Just as the Nostalgia Critic was forced to make up a reason for why the sun rose without Chanticleer’s assistance that one time, I have to make up a reason for why this Stella-spouting monster exists. Are you ready? Here we go.
Once upon a time, in a kingdom that neighbored Oriana, there was a handsome, benevolent prince named David. David was a good, kind soul who loved nothing more than to bring joy and happiness to the hearts of others. Unfortunately, he was mighty lonely, and he longed to have a bride whom he can love, and be loved in return.
One glorious day, David met a beautiful yet poverty-stricken maiden named Stella. Although Stella was far from wealthy, she possessed a heart of gold, and she, too, loved to bring joy to the hearts of others. Unfortunately, Stella was a sickly girl all her life, and she was weak and constantly plagued by illness. David took pity in her, and he sacrificed his image and his time to assist Stella, and to converse with her—to make her feel like the worthy person she was. The two spent a lot of time together, and they fell in love.
One night, Stella’s constant illness took a turn for the worse, and she was presumed to die soon. David would not have that, and so he sought for anyone who could help. The only person who offered assistance was a witch, but she was cruel and calculating, as well as sadistic. She had a proposition for David: the prince would claim the life in order to save the life of the woman he loves. At first David was disgusted by this proposal, but after thinking about his love’s fate he agreed.
David crept into a nursery and, just as he was instructed, killed one of his own kingdom’s citizens, and not only that, but a little girl. David fled before he could be caught, but his soul was forever stained. Gone was Prince David, the condenser for goodness. Now he was Prince David, the murderer. Just as the witch had promised, Stella was forever cured of her illness.
Unfortunately, the damage was done; when David explained to Stella his sacrifice for her, she immediately disowned him. Not only that, but her heart was eternally broken, and she took her own life by dropping herself from a cliff. David, now more monster than man, became just that: a monster. He, for all intents and purposes, sold his soul to the witch, and she repaid his soul by transforming him into a foul, deranged monster—a monster that communicated telepathically and forever spouted, “Stella! Stella! I could’a been a contender!”
He roamed through Zill and, on one fateful day, he noticed Felix the Cat, Princess Oriana, the Professor, Poindexter, and Pim the hillbilly. He charged after them, but what he didn’t realize was that he touched the Crystals of Disintegration, and, having touched them, he disintegrated, never to be heard of nor seen again. This ended a tragic tale for David and Stella, but it was highly fortunate for Felix the Cat and friends!
Righty-o!
The End
One glorious day, David met a beautiful yet poverty-stricken maiden named Stella. Although Stella was far from wealthy, she possessed a heart of gold, and she, too, loved to bring joy to the hearts of others. Unfortunately, Stella was a sickly girl all her life, and she was weak and constantly plagued by illness. David took pity in her, and he sacrificed his image and his time to assist Stella, and to converse with her—to make her feel like the worthy person she was. The two spent a lot of time together, and they fell in love.
One night, Stella’s constant illness took a turn for the worse, and she was presumed to die soon. David would not have that, and so he sought for anyone who could help. The only person who offered assistance was a witch, but she was cruel and calculating, as well as sadistic. She had a proposition for David: the prince would claim the life in order to save the life of the woman he loves. At first David was disgusted by this proposal, but after thinking about his love’s fate he agreed.
David crept into a nursery and, just as he was instructed, killed one of his own kingdom’s citizens, and not only that, but a little girl. David fled before he could be caught, but his soul was forever stained. Gone was Prince David, the condenser for goodness. Now he was Prince David, the murderer. Just as the witch had promised, Stella was forever cured of her illness.
Unfortunately, the damage was done; when David explained to Stella his sacrifice for her, she immediately disowned him. Not only that, but her heart was eternally broken, and she took her own life by dropping herself from a cliff. David, now more monster than man, became just that: a monster. He, for all intents and purposes, sold his soul to the witch, and she repaid his soul by transforming him into a foul, deranged monster—a monster that communicated telepathically and forever spouted, “Stella! Stella! I could’a been a contender!”
He roamed through Zill and, on one fateful day, he noticed Felix the Cat, Princess Oriana, the Professor, Poindexter, and Pim the hillbilly. He charged after them, but what he didn’t realize was that he touched the Crystals of Disintegration, and, having touched them, he disintegrated, never to be heard of nor seen again. This ended a tragic tale for David and Stella, but it was highly fortunate for Felix the Cat and friends!
Righty-o!
The End
*Sigh* That kind of makes me feel better. Okay, back to the movie.
Our heroes press on, forcing to separate from their motorbikes. They come across Head Hunter Country, a hairy situation (literally full of the would-be terrifying head hunters. Felix sends a bunch of hats from his bag to distract them, and they eventually reach Oriana’s castle.
You like hats?! We’re mad about hats!
Finally, they reach the castle. Oriana whines that they ruined her beautiful castle, but I personally think the Duke of Zill improved it (it’s very crystallized now). Oriana realizes that Grumfard is a traitor (duh), and the cylinders and cubes dance in synchronization for the arrival of the Duke of Zill. The Duke arrives in… a… erm…
… Moving on.
Our heroes are caught, and they are brought before Duke. What I especially love about our heroes being captured is that it uses the same animation of Oriana being captured at the beginning of the film… with the same background from the beginning of the film! Genius animation, I tell you! Oriana is forced to reveal and hand over the book of ultimate power to the Duke of Zill. After a very flashy sequence, the Duke opens the book and reads the power of the universe:
Truth, love and wisdom.
The Duke of Zill is livid, to say the least. He feels that he has worked and suffered all these years for a joke. I actually side with the Duke for this one; what a gyp! Dang moral plays.
So, the Duke of Zill commences the final showdown. He sends his ultimate creation, the Master Cylinder, to dispose of Felix and his friends. The Master Cylinder says the most frightening quote ever uttered by an ultimate villain: “End of the line for you! You are the grass, and I’m the lawn mower!” HAHA!! But, wait! The fight is instantly over when Felix takes the book and flings it at Master Cylinder. This literally defeats the Duke of Zill and his entire army. The Duke of Zill, with a completely different voice, says, “I’ll be back,” before vanishing entirely. There’s also no mentioning of Grumfard.
That’s it?
Seriously?
… I actually think that Pointless Monster from a little while ago made more sense than this anticlimactic ending.
Finally, the movie wraps up. Felix and his friends go home, the mizards pop in again (it was in the Professor’s briefcase they fell into), Oriana is restored, and Oriana (the princess) is no longer forced to do erotic bubble dances.
Before the princess teleports Felix and his friends back home, they had to remove all gold from the briefcases (hence the discovery of the mizards), because gold cannot be teleported. Then Felix and Oriana have this dialogue exchange.
Oriana: “Well, Felix, I guess this time’s it, but I have a feeling that your gold will pass through the portal.”
Felix: “But, Princess, I don’t have any gold!”
Oriana: “You’re wrong, Felix. You do. You have a heart of gold.”
Felix: “Righty-o!”
Felix: “But, Princess, I don’t have any gold!”
Oriana: “You’re wrong, Felix. You do. You have a heart of gold.”
Felix: “Righty-o!”
The end.
Cue end credits music that is repetitive, but actually kind of catchy. Also, Poor CGI Felix Disembodied Head keeps stalking us during the credits. Go away, Felix!
WOW, is this movie weird. This movie is, like, the animated equivalent of “The Company of Wolves” in terms of strangeness. Except “Felix” isn’t pretentious at all. This movie has absolutely no idea what the heck it wants to be. Does it want to be a whimsical adventure with Felix the Cat? Does it want to be a post-apocalyptic epic concerning parallel dimensions? Does this want to be an awful musical? Does this want to be a prison break taking place in a circus?
It’s seriously like this film is loosely cobbled together by five different rough drafts, and placing Felix the Cat in the center of it. This movie is so weird, so bizarre, so strange, so random, so… flat-out terrible. This movie is a horrible mess. The acting is bad, the animation is poor, the music is synthesized garbage at its worst, the lip movements don’t even match, let alone move at all at parts, and everything feels rushed, sloppy and half-assed.
And yet… I kinda like this movie. Don’t get me wrong, it’s terrible, but I find it entertaining because it is so terrible. I have watched this bad excuse of a motion picture at 2-to-3 o’clock in the morning in a trance-like state, and this string of surrealism has blown my mind. It is so in its own world and so detached from Felix the Cat and reality, that I dare call this film a landmark in surrealism. It’s bad, but it’s a bad movie I’d happily watch over “Titanic.”
Righty-o!
* out of ****, but admittedly with some affection thrown in!
Special thanks to my good friend Collin for the "Professor and Poindexter used to be antagonists" joke!
