Post by Merlin on Apr 3, 2009 18:41:25 GMT -5
Every good family has some, sometimes many, truly funny stories. My Label family has a lot of good ones, and one of the favorites is when my older sister was around three-years-old, before my brother and I were born.
As the story goes, one night my father and sister watched a little bit of some horror movie with Angela Lansbury and werewolves. In the scene they watched, a werewolf was decapitated, and his head fell into a bucket of liquid, where it transformed into a human head. At that moment, mom turned off the TV and ranted that my sister was far too young to watch that garbage, and not long afterward everyone went to bed.
Later that night, my sister sneaked into my parents' bedroom, nudged dad and whispered, "Mom's asleep. Let's watch that werewolf movie."
Funny! Maybe not as funny of a story as my dad tricking my mom into seeing "Aliens," but funny nevertheless! (My dad achieved such a trick by convincing mom that "Aliens" was a movie about illegal immigrants.)
It wasn't until a year or so ago that I considered finding the movie that my relatives saw portions of long ago. It really wasn't hard at all; I just typed "Angela Lansbury werewolf" in Google, and, presto, I find "The Company of Wolves." I read a very brief description of the movie, looked at the cover, and purchased a copy. It was a birthday present for my sister, as a 'gag gift' for both her and dad. They have not touched this DVD at all, so just last night I thought, "I guess I'll watch it."
I watched it, and... I feel naked, confused and insignificant.
The movie's titles and film quality indicate a made-for-TV production, but in actuality this was a theatrically released film. It was filmed on a very small budget (I think only a single million), and, while not a huge blockbuster, did turn a profit with income. Well, that's a happy ending for a film like this, but in all honesty I can't say I feel that this film deserves huge recognition. Why? I'll get to that!
For those who are interested in seeing this film without being spoiled, you have two options: you can either not read this review, or skip ahead to Conclusion below, where I won't spoil but instead give a final verdict on the film.
The movie starts immediately with a title. At least it isn't like "Ariel's Beginning," with X Pictures Presents on the top. Of course, this title screen has copyright information on the bottom, so it's natural that I initially thought this was a telefilm. During the opening credits, a dog runs all the way to a house. Also, a car pulls up at this house and out step a mother and a father (played by David Warner). A teenage girl with a very goofy voice greets her parents, and the family mentions the film's main character, Rosaleen (Sarah Patterson). Rosaleen is "at that age," where she sulks over puberty (my interpretation). Despite Rosaleen's sister's attempts to wake up Rosaleen, the younger sister manages to sleep through her door being knocked on repeatedly.
I just noticed something: Rosaleen's sister says "pest" twelve times during her screen time. Why is she obsessed with this word? Who in their right mine repeats "pest" and gets a flow of euphoria going? What a weird older sister.
The movie shifts from modern times to Rosaleen's dream. If you think this is a film balances dream from reality... well, it doesn't! At least, it doesn't do this well.
In Rosaleen's dream, Alice (the older sister) gets lost in the forest, and meets very creepy reflections of Rosaleen's toys and dolls. These dolls include a giant teddy bear, and a Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man crossed with Boy George. She also runs through giant mushrooms, which convinces me that this may be something of a nod to Alice in Wonderland. Unlike Alice in Wonderland, however, Alice here eventually gets killed by a pack of wolves. Yep.
"It's the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man."
In all honesty, the whole scene went on for far too long, so that's why I was pleased when Alice finally died and we move onto a different scene. Alice's funeral is attended by her surviving family and villagers, and, for some reason, none of them seem particularly upset. Maybe she was a tramp!
David Warner, you are under arrest by order of David Warner!
Rosaleen spends the night with her grandmother (Angela Lansbury), and Granny tells Rosaleen several stories throughout the course of the film, gradually becoming more head-scratchingly "WTH?" inducing.
Yeah! Angela Lansbury is in this movie. So, what do we all know her best as? Mrs. Potts from "Beauty and the Beast," Eglantine Price from "Bedknobs and Broomsticks," a creepy old granny from "The Company of Wolves?" Also featured in this movie is David Warner. I didn't stop to talk about him when I first mentioned his name, but I will now. He is perhaps best known to Disney buffs for portraying three characters in "TRON," Dillinger, Sark and the MCP. Both Angela and David are actors I love, so it's somewhat sad that they couldn't make me appreciate this film more than I wanted to.
Back to the story. Granny--wait. How many dreams have you had that had flashbacks or stories? I've had none, at least in recent times! Anyway, Granny tells the story about a woman who marries a unibrow, and he leaves. His new bride thinks he leaves to take a leak, but he's gone for much, much longer. She moves on with her life, and marries a new man, and has a few kids. However, the unibrow returns and, for some reason, is pissed that his wife moved on with her life and had children during his absence of several years.
This is where the film kinda has promise; unibrow transforms into a werewolf!
What do the villagers fear more, werewolves or animatronics?
Fortunately, the woman's current husband comes home, and swiftly decapitates the werewolf, whose head reverts back to human form.
Yep. That was the scene my sis and dad watched! Alas, this is only 27 minutes into the 91 minute feature, so they missed the rest of the film--meaning, the boring parts. SIGH.
The moral of the story is anyone whose eyebrows meet is evil.
That is NOT patriotic!
After Granny's first story is where the film truly begins, I would wager. It starts off coming-of-age Rosaleen's interest in werewolves, after all.
It's like Judge Doom met Eglatine Price.
Wait, I'm wrong. The film doesn't truly begin, because nothing really happens for a while! BLAAARGH! We are given time with the village and its denizens, and we also spend more time with a boy, who looks like a fusion of Danny Cooksey and Tom Sawyer.
Eventually Granny, who works on an important red shawl for Rosaleen, tells Rosaleen the story of a boy who met the Devil in the woods, after bargaining something (his soul, I presume?) for a vial of substance that guarantees chest hair. The kicker, however, is that the vial turns him into hairy monster, period. The weirdest thing about the Devil (besides the fact that he's played by General Zod himself, Terence Stamp) is his transportation: he has a sexy chauffeur, and he rides in a luxurious automobile. Normally I'd criticize for inconsistency, but this is a pubescent girl's dream, after all.
Winston Wolfe's Wild Ride.
Oh, God. I just remembered: Terence Stamp played Ramsley the butler in that horrible "Haunted Mansion" movie. Thanks for contributing to the defileration of my favorite theme park attraction of all time, Stamp!
Tai: a stamp is always works.
Ben: STOP
I think the moral of this particular story is... men will do anything for hair? Maybe even Gaston. To be honest, males aren't portrayed wonderfully in this film, so maybe it's an anti-masculine thing.
I'm actually getting ahead of myself. A few scenes back, the boy in Rosaleen's village asked Rosaleen if she would like to walk with him after church. It is ultimately agreed. The next day at church, a bunch of ugly, hairy spiders tumble on Rosaleen. She doesn't react beyond a casual annoyance, whereas I would frickin' cry. After church, the boy and Rosaleen have a disagreement: while Rosaleen is interested in just exploring or playing tag, the boy clearly want to get in Rosaleen's pants. Rosaleen and the boy are constantly reminded to not stray from the path (otherwise the wolves will kill you violently), and Rosaleen realizes that she can travel upward.
What I mean is this: Rosaleen finds a curious tree, and she climbs up it, all the way to the top. There she finds a large bird's nest, with eggs, a mirror, and some red paint which she uses as lipstick. No doubt, this is a piece of symbolism, but what really got my gears turning was when the eggs hatched. What were in the eggs? Adorable baby birds? Nope. Tiny, pale fetuses? Yep!
*record scratch*
THEY'RE PEOPLE!!
Yeah. Okay. Hm. Wow. Gosh and golly gee. Willickers and wonders. Oh, boy. All right, at this point I pretty much figured that this movie is a mindtrip of epic proportions[/u]. I just braced myself and thought, "Here we go." At least this doesn't feature Cinderella as a pumpkin fetus.
After the scene with the egg fetuses, the boy stumbles on a cow which has been brutally attacked and devoured by a wolf. Wonderful! We go from one bizarre shot to another!
Real cows come from California. Dead cows come from this movie.
The boy runs back to the village and cries, "Wolf! Wolf!" No doubt a reference to The Boy who Cried Wolf." Panic is temporarily stirred because Rosaleen hasn't returned, but she fortunately shows up before people murder each other in rage. To conclude the sequence, Rosaleen happily shows her mother (who is also grinning) a fetus from an egg, whose clenched eyes begins to drip tears. [
]Alice: "It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change."
You ain't just whistling dixie, girlie.
David Warner and the rest of the village's fathers form an angry mob, intending to hunt down the wolf that killed the cow (they're counting on Gaston to lead the way). While they're out wolf hunting, the red shawl made by Granny is brought up between Rosaleen and her mother. On top of that, Rosaleen tells her mom a story, and, boy, is it strange.
A bunch of fops and at least one gluttonous Frenchwoman are celebrating a wedding, until a pregnant redhead enters, and starts insulting the groom ("So, I wasn't good enough for you? I was once, once upon a time").
"What's the matter? Ain't you ever seen a redheaded, Kirsten Dunst-lookalike with a bun in the oven?"
Also, notice the magic mirror in the background. I digitally remastered this movie myself, because I was so enthralled.
She then proceeds to repeatedly laugh unconvincingly (could it be any more wooden?), and transforms everyone into wolves, which reminded me a lot of a later released film, "The Witches." Yeah, the scene where the witches transform into mice and all. After the lot turn into wolves and run away faster than young Simba ran away from Pride Rock, the pregnant woman eventually gives birth to eggs, puts them in a nest high above a tree, and forces the wolves surrounding her to serenade herself and her offspring to sleep on a nightly basis.
Actually, the film doesn't quite explain it that way, but that's my interpretation. Can you tell I'm so bloody confused?
After the story, David Warner, after contributing to successfully assassinating the wolf, comes home and drops a wolf's body part wrapped in a cloth on the table. I know what body part you're thinking, but get your mind out of the gutter. David Warner repeats that it was a wolf's paw when he cut it off as a trophy, but he unwraps the cloth and reveals a human hand. So we know for sure that damned wolves revert back to human after they are killed.
At this point in the dream, Rosaleen in the real world cries with enough tears to rival Alice. By the by, I've mentioned both this movie's Alice and Disney's Alice in this review. I'M CONFUSING EVERYBODY! HAHAHA! IF I'M GONNA BE CONFUSED BY THIS DAMN MOVIE, YOU'RE GONNA BE CONFUSED, TOO! IF I GO DOWN, I'M TAKING YOU ALL WITH ME!! WAHAHAHAA!!
One morning, wearing her red shawl that Granny made, Rosaleen decides to go to Granny's house alone. On the way, she meets a unibrow man (OBVIOUSLY A WOLF!!!1one), and after a lengthy conversation full of innuendo and creepy ephebophiliac banter, they agree to rendezvous at Granny's, and the unibrow man (named Huntsman) departs, arriving at Granny's well in advance before Rosaleen.
We all know what this is sounding like now. I'm very certain everyone here knows the story of Little Red Riding Hood. This time, however, Granny doesn't go down without a fight; she grabs anything she can, including a hot poker, and tries her best to defend herself, ultimately to no avail.
That's not a werewolf; that's Gene Simmons!
Well, instead of the Huntsman (now with wolf eyes, extraneous hair and fanged incisors) devouring Granny, he swipes at her head, and Granny Lasnbury's head rockets from her body and smashes into a bookshelf like a porcelain doll.
FATALITY. HUNTSMAN... WINS.
... *cough* Okay, I'll be kind. It's a cool effect and it certainly means something. There!
Continuing the messed up Little Red Riding Hood tale from Hell, Rosaleen arrives at Granny's and sees Huntsman rocking in his chair eagerly. This is getting very unsettling. Rosaleen quickly realizes that Granny Lansbury is dead, and her remains were tossed in the fire (amusingly similar to Lansbury's portrayal of Mrs. Lovett). The Huntsman then continues to make his moves on the underaged Rosaleen. This is very unsettling.
Rosaleen, with the insistence of Huntsman, burns her red shawl. I interpret this as succumbing to our body's less pure desires... actually, she initially tries to kill Huntsman (the red shawl burning was a trap, Ackbar would say), but she later grows sympathetic of the werewolf. Now she's really succumbing to impurity, and now is where I lose any lingering respect I had for the character and say, "When is this over?"
By the by, the transformation of the Huntsman mostly consists of being on hands and knees on the floor, twitching and shouting while dramatic music plays in the background. It's pretty comical.
After injuring Huntsman as a wolf, Rosaleen tells him a final story: the story of a wolf from Hell. She's wounded, and transforms into buck naked woman who visits the village's church and priest, wanders around buck naked for five minutes, and then slips back into the well, back to Hell, buck naked. Hey, this movie had to justify an R rating somehow, and at least you really learn all about anatomy with this character! (Meaning you see everything.)
If Tia Dalma and Sesame Street's Bert had a daughter.
After the story, David Warner, Rosaleen's mom and other villagers storm Granny's house (the boy informed them that something was fishy), and they find two wolves in the house: the Huntsman, and another wolf wearing the same necklace Rosaleen wore bef--oh, snap.
The wolves of Rosaleen and the Huntsman join the other wolf pack (like the University of Nevada, Reno) and run off.
I interpret this of Rosaleen abandoning childhood and entering maturity, but who cares? Really, who cares at this point?
In the ending of the film, wolves burst into Rosaleen's actual house, which is somehow covered with vines and plants (Jordy Verrill is preparing a lawsuit), and Rosaleen wakes up, witnessing the invading wolves while screaming.
"HEEEEEEEERE'S BALTO!"
The film closes with a rhyme, and I quote.
Little girls, this seems to say
Never stop upon your way
Never trust a stranger friend
No one knows how it will end
As you're pretty, so be wise
Wolves may lurk in every guise
Now, as then, 'tis simple truth
Sweetest tongue has sharpest tooth.
The moral of the story: "SCREW YOU, MEN!"
Conclusion
*wipes face* Oh, boy. I'm going to say what I like about this film before I conclude with frustration. The concept is commendable; the special effects, while sparse, are very well done; the music, though heavily synthesized, is foreboding and atmospheric; some of the acting, particularly from Angela Lansbury and David Warner, is strong; and the sets are very intricate and detailed.
This movie also happens to be very pretentious, to the point where it gets muddled in its own glory instead of delivering a coherent story.
Maybe this movie isn't meant to be coherent. Maybe, like some other films, it tries to be different and have more symbols open for interpretation rather than concrete storytelling. Example, maybe wolves didn't really invade Rosaleen's house in the end; maybe it was the conclusion of her dream, and she woke up, back to her normal life.
That doesn't change my opinion, though, that the modern times/dream were poorly balanced. They weren't balanced at all; in total, you have three or so minutes of the real world, and the rest is taken place in the dream. There should have been either more emphasis on Rosaleen's real home or omitted the real world concept entirely. It hurts the film more than it supports.
The pacing is a mess. There are some really neat scenes, but they are few and far between. Dario Argento's "Creepers/Phenomena" has better pacing than this film, and that's really saying something. This movie is only 91 minutes, but it feels so much longer.
I... just don't know. I know there will be some on IMDb who criticize me, and accuse me of being dumb "because I didn't 'get' this movie." While I do have my own interpretations, in all honesty I don't like this movie. I feel that this movie tried very hard to be open for interpretation, but got sidetracked and lost its aim in the process. But at the same time, I can't outright hate this movie, because it does have some very commendable aspects and ideas. I guess I'm in the middle of this movie's like/dislike meter.
Many people like or love this film, so maybe I'm unfair. Either way, I'm going to have to stare at Picasso paintings for three hours just to see some things that make more sense.
I guess it is possible for a movie to out-weird me! I think I'll just stick with "Pan's Labyrinth." At least that film had an excellent balance of dire realism and nightmarish fantasy.
** out of ****
